Sometimes you cross into worlds you never thought you would embrace. The tenuous line of reality and sincerity, fantasy and a fictional life you make come true. All this time I have kept you safe at bay, while relying on you for a happiness I could find in no one else. This severe, unfortunate attachment bound me to you, my only friend of the wind.
I cut corners and let myself go around you, never knowing the effect it would have, the end of the road I was perfecting. What hides behind those eyes I will never know, for you are inscrutable and distant in a way I cannot touch. Perhaps we know certain things are never meant to be, but we still hope and trust our desires will lead us somewhere new. And in the interim, I have everything when I have you.
But imperfect we are and imperfect we will die. I realize all the things I am when I’m with you, is who I am and who I am not. You see the ugly side and I wonder if you will ever know the beauty. We are so misunderstood in each other’s hearts I do not know how we have made it this far. Even then, I am not ready to say goodbye, for you have come to mean more to me than just a friend.
I do not want us to leave, I do not want us to change. I want a happy, healthy relationship with you, but somehow I feel the rays of the setting sun burning like crimson fire in the depths of me. You keep yourself well and shut me out, too many a time. And yet, I come back, like you always do.
Have we made an irreparable rift, a severance that will only help us come undone? These emotional benefits were too good to be true, and I should have known nothing in life comes without a price. I have written so many words because of you and what you do. All the things you make me feel.
Sometimes I wish I could make a way into your heart and listen for awhile. I would love to know who you really are and what you feel…Are you really violent, sexual, or is there something more beautiful I could hold onto? You are soulful when I least expect it, and in a strange way, it overcomes everything you are not.
You touched my heart when I was falling. These things I do not forget. These moments in time stay with me so strongly and painfully. It might have been better if we never happened…But then again, what I would have given, to keep this imperfection.
